Laugh out loud

*SAD, BUT TRUE* 1. Realize this: No matter what you say and how you say it, SOME people will never get it. That's not your fault! *Sad, But True!* 2. No matter how pure your motives are, SOMEBODY will still accuse you of ill intentions. Stay pure anyway. *Sad, But True!* 3. No matter how humble you are, somebody will still consider you proud. Stay humble, anyway. *Sad, But True!* 4. No matter how generous you are, somebody will still call you "selfish". Remain generous, anyway. *Sad, But True!* 5. Sometimes some of your greatest pains will come from those you gave the most pleasure. *Sad, But True!* 6. Some of your greatest disappointments will come from those you gave your best appointments or commitments. *Sad, But True!* 7. Sometimes some of the worst things you'd hear about yourself may come from those you speak the best of. *Sad, But True!* 8. Not everyone in your ship is paddling in the direction of your dreamed destination. Discernment...

My Wife DOES NOT WORK! - A Conversation between a Husband (H) and a Psychologist (P): P : What do you do for a living Mr. Bandy? H : I work as an Accountant in a Bank. P : Your Wife ? H : She doesn't work. She's a Housewife only. P : Who makes breakfast for your family in the morning? H : My Wife, because she doesn't work. P : At what time does your wife wake up for making breakfast? H : She wakes up at around 5 am because she cleans the house first before making breakfast. P : How do your kids go to school? H : My wife takes them to school, because she doesn't work. P : After taking your kids to school, what does she do? H : She goes to the market, then goes back home for cooking and laundry. You know, she doesn't work. P : In the evening, after you go back home from office, what do you do? H : Take rest, because i'm tired due to all day works. P : What does your wife do then? H : She prepares meals, serving our kids, preparing meals fo...

*SIX IMPORTANT GUIDELINES IN LIFE.* 1. _When you are Alone, Mind your Thoughts._ 2. _When you are with Friends, Mind your Tongue._ 3. _When you are Angry, Mind your Temper._ 4. _When you are with a Group, Mind your Behavior._ 5. _When you are in Trouble, Mind your Emotions._ 6. _When God starts blessing  you, Mind your Ego._

My mother used to communicate with eyes while I was growing up... When visitors are in the house and I am jumping up and down, there is an eye sign which means ​"get out"​ When visitors are eating and you want to eat with them, there is this particular look which means ​"if you collect anything here I will skin you alive"​ but meanwhile she will be telling the visitors "don't mind him, he won't eat or he has eaten.." When you pay a visit to any family member and you want to cry over what is not yours, there is this look which means ​"if I hear pim from you again, I will flog you die"​ But today's mother... I mean our young mummies today ehhh... Their eyes are already weakened with mascara, eye lashes and heavy-duty facelifts and make-ups from Mary Kay to Jenifer Lopez to Angelina Jolie. In short, the eyes can't communicate again... when they are looking at a child, the child will be looking back at them because that child ...

*C - O - U - U - U - R - T!!!* Judge : Why do you want divorce? Petitioner : My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils and clothes. Judge:  So what's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it. Before cutting Onions, just chill them in the refrigerator and then while cutting them the eyes won't burn. Before washing utensils just immerse them in water tub for 10 minutes , they can be easily washed. And before washing clothes in Surf, soak them in water for half an hour, all the stains will go away and even hands won't get tired. Petitioner: I now Understand Your honour. I would like to withdraw my petition. Judge: What have you understood? Petitioner: That your condition is worse than mine. 😄😄😄😊😊😊😃😃😃

HELP ME JUDGE THIS MATTER!! 🐓🐐 Goat and fowl dey waka for road, one man dey drive, come splash water for their body, D fowl say: see as he dey drive like goat! D goat say: na in make dem dey die like fowl! Na so fight start o. Who find trouble? A lady lied to a guy dat she is a graduate. D guy asked "do u ave  NYSC certificate? She replied "No seriously I don't like the course. Because all the subject is calculation ...." 😂😂😀😃pls dont laff  alone send it to your Friends and put smiles on their faces.😃

WHAT IS THIS LIFE? A man is born today, Tomorrow he is dead. A man lives in  a mansion today, Tomorrow he lives underground. A man drives a car today, Tomorrow an ambulance drives him. A man reads biology today, Tomorrow a biography is been read of him. A man eats whatever he wants today, Tomorrow he becomes food for insects. A man is always early for work today, Tomorrow he is termed late Mr/Mrs. A man is seen resting in his house today, Tomorrow he is resting in a coffin. And they say "Rest In Peace"! A man eats all kinds of fruits in his house today, Tomorrow he becomes manure to those trees. A man is known today as the richest man ever, Tomorrow he doesn't even know where or what will happen to his riches. What is life after all? Plan your life because you may not see tomorrow. But when your life is well planned you won't Be afraid of any thing. ACT RIGHT AND LIVE GODLY. ALWAYS BE A HELPING HAND TO OTHERS. Come to think of this...