Laugh out loud

Jon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then

 Phone Rings Girl: Hi Unknown: Do u have a Boyfriend Girl: yes nd who are u? Unknown:it's me ur dad....so u have a boyfriend at ur age, see u when ah get home...... Girl:No dad ah can explain!!! (He hangs up) After 30min phone ring Girl: Hi Unknown: Do u av a boyfriend? Girl: No Unknown: oh honey are u ashamed of me? Girl: ooh no sorry baby, I thought it was that my stupid useless  dad.. Unknown: yes is still ur dad, just wanted to confirm that u really av a boyfriend Shey am useless and stupid abi? see u at home Am coming lemme qo and price burial clothe..

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like t

HUSBAND: My wife where are you? WIFE: At home love. HUSBAND: Are you sure? WIFE: Yes. HUSBAND: Turn on the blender. WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye. Another day HUSBAND: My wife where are you? WIFE: At home love HUSBAND: Are you sure? WIFE: Yes HUSBAND: Turn on the blender WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother? SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender. 🤣🤣 over sabi is bad

*Secret 1* Everyone you marry has a weakness. Only God does not have a weakness. So if you focus on your spouse's weakness you can't get the best out of his strength. *Secret 2* Everyone has a dark history. No one is an angel. When you get married or you want to get married stop digging into someone's past. What matters most is the present life of your partner. Old things have passed away. Forgive and forget. Focus on the present and the future. *Secret 3* Every marriage has its own challenges. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every good marriage has gone through its own test of blazing fire. True love proves in times of challenges.  Fight for your marriage. Make up your mind to stay with your spouse in times of need. Remember the vow *For better for worse*. In sickness and in health be there. *Secret 4* Every marriage has different levels of success. Don't compare your marriage with any one else. We can never be equal. Some will be far, some behind. To avoid

I never knew the true Meaning of "WICKEDNESS" until i saw a man that Tagged 99 friends and Got only one #LIKE. I then checked the #LIKE and saw his name... one thing y'all should learn about us Nigerians is that, "only Nigerians are allowed to insult Nigerians".. only Nigerians are allowed to insult our celebs, only Nigerians are allowed to insult our politicians.. if y'all outsiders try it.. the whole country will unite to finish ur destiny.. eg wen an ex footballer insulted Aj over  playing ojuelegba as entrance song during his fight , both davido and wizkid fans came together to finish him.. don't forget... no one insults a Nigerian and go Scot free except a Nigerian.. 😂 😂 🤣

As my friend fufu and Egusi soup was almost ready for lunch☺☺, a Lizard on the wall fell into the soup in dis recession😳😳🙆. He angrily😡 searched through the soup and found the Lizard still alive😒😒. He held it in his hand and raised it😏. He licked all its body covered by the well prepared soup. After he has licked everything, he threw the Lizard away and said "naked you came into my soup and naked you shall go, Nonsense" 😂😂😂

At the entrance gate of a university in South Africa the following message was posted for contemplation: *"Destroying any nation does not require the use of atomic bombs or the use of long range missiles. _It only requires lowering the quality of education and allowing cheating in the examinations by the students._"* Patients die at the hands of such doctors. Buildings collapse at the hands of such engineers. Money is lost at the hands of such economists & accountants. Humanity dies at the hands of such religious scholars. Justice is lost at the hands of such judges... *"The collapse of education is the collapse of the nation."* We need to inculcate d spirit of quality education in our children.

🐊 A man had one very beautiful daughter. When the daughter was ready for marriage, the father sent news around town that all the eligible young men should come to compete in a test which would determine who was fit to marry his daughter. 🐊 On that day, all was set, all the able-bodied young men came out. Some came with paper and biro and others with cutlasses and swords. 🐊 The rich man took them to his swimming pool and addressed the men: “Any of you who can swim from one end of this swimming pool to the other would marry my daughter. 🐊 In addition, I‘ll give him 15 million dollars, a car and a house so they can start life well. I shall be waiting to meet my son-in-law at the other end. Good luck!” 🐊 As the young men, all very excited at the prospect of winning, started taking off their shirts, a helicopter came over the pool and dropped alligators and crocodiles into the pool. Immediately, all the men turned back and started wearing their shirts again. Disappointed,

A 70 year old man went for a Sperm Test. The Doctor gave him a bottle to collect sperm. The next day, the man came with the empty bottle & said he tried with his left hand then right hand. Then his wife tried with her left hand & right hand. Then his daughter-in-law tried with both hands & mouth. Then the neighbor's wife & daughter tried the same way..but could not open the damn bottle.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!" A woman was breastfeeding her son in her shop and a lady passing by said "he sucks just like his father". We still dey separate fight since morning. Don't drink water after eating fish, because the water may cause the fish to swim and then u will feel gulugulu gulugulu in ur stomach...

When a Sex scene comes up on TV, and the family is watching, African fathers will just start asking yeye questions like : Paul, have you ironed my car? And Paul glued to the TV will answer: No dad; I was busy watering the radio. Ok Paul, go and look for my head. Since yesterday I avn't been able to go to work cus my neighbor cheated on his wife ND I heard d wife saying dat she would start sleeping with every neighbor around...I still dey wait for my own turn

A rapist entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom... The husband said to the wife "satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love u" Wife said "he didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear dat he is gay, he needs vaseline and I told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love u too......!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂 A son argued with his father insisting that 1 + 1 was equal to 11. The father looked at the son and said: "Go and buy 2 boiled eggs, the son went and returned with the two eggs. The father said, Give one to me and another to your brother, And the son asks: What about mine? The father responds: eat the nine eggs that are left ... nonsense! 😂😂😂

1. Don't date and sleep with her if you know you won't marry her... What's the essence of doing JSS1-SSS3 if you know you won't write WAEC? 2. Don't kill yourself because you wanna look expensive. Most of us guys don't even know the difference between brazillian hair, daniella, expression or even darling yaki. 3. Coca-cola sold only 9bottles in it 1st year. Today, morethan 1.7 billion servings are sold in a single day. NEVER GIVE UP ON UR DREAMS 4. If you've ever dated a girl for morethan 9yrs and you didn't marry her, pls you have no right to complain at a government that did nothing in 8yrs.. You all are birds of a same feather. 5. If you remain in good terms with your landlord, you won't have reason to build your own house. Stop being a tenant: Quarrel with him today. 6. Abortion doesn't make you unpregnant, it only makes you the mother of a dead child. 7. Most people wants to find out how you're doi

*_Oya laff small_* 😀😀😀😀😀😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 So Because The Doctor Asked You To Change Ur Drinking Habit, U Now Drink Beer With Spoon. You will nor kill me o M trying to hold ma faint 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 A friend of mine asked me if I'm willing to go to London... See question!! who wants to stay in this Nigeria where 1. Fowls rape themselves 2. Exam questions come out before the proposed examination date 3. Bigger Banana are cheaper while smaller ones are expensive 4. You buy Suya 100 Naira and when you get home,you realise the Aboki sold Onions 70 Naira and meat 30 Naira 5. Garri is more expensive than Noodles.. Try drinking the Garri for 20 Days straight,Falz Glasses will be small size compared to your own 6. You get Pirated Yoruba movie and you get home to see Bruce Lee(Enter the Dragon Part 1) 7. Ghosts in nollywood fear cars when crossing the road because They don't want to die again If you advice me to stay in Nigeria ehn! Hmmmmmmmn just dnt l

Teacher: What is a Verb? Akpos: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre. Teacher: What are you saying? Akpos: It is a complete sentence sir. Teacher: Are you mad? Akpos: It is a question sir. Teacher: Don’t be stupid. Akpos: It is an advice sir. Teacher: Stop that nonsense. Akpos: It is a command sir. Teacher: You’re an idiot. Akpos: It is an insult sir. Teacher: Get out of my class. Akpors: It is an order sir. Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy! Akpors: It is an exclamation sir. Teacher: May God have mercy on you. Akpors: It is a prayer sir. Teacher: You need to see a doctor. Akpors: It is a suggestion sir. Teacher: I rest my case. Akpors: It is ur choice sir

yesterday as I am coming back from shop , I decided to follow the shortcut which passes the cemetery , so two girls ran after telling me dat the are afraid to pass dat cemetery only them I laugh at them and said Even me am afraid to pass here when  am alive I can't tell u der speed limit

When a guy isn't interested in a relationship anymore he can say anything just to break up 👆 with you..... He might say baby I can't continue any longer your grandmother didn't write waec 😂😂😂😂 There's a special place in Hell For all those Mama-put seller, who tells you the kpomo is soft, only for you to get home and realize you bought " Italian Leather Belt" Imagine they held P.T.A in universities/­polytechnics...... Dad- So howz my daughter doing? Lecture- Seriously sir I have never see this young lady in my life... A  White man asked a Nigerian what do you mean by your village people are doing you?the man said,you see that man ?He has exam by 8:00am he woke up by 7:50am and start cooking beans.:-D:-D:-D:-D

I was at the pharmacy earlier today when a Drunkard entered the shop and shouted, "give me a Condom"..The Lady at the counter asked him,"Cant you use a decent language??? The Drunkard quickly unzipped his trousers and placed his Penis on the counter and asked......"Madam do you have clothes for this Baby?".

WOMAN ● changes her name ● changes her home ● leaves her family ● moves in with you ● builds a home with you ● gets pregnant for you ● pregnancy changes her body ● she gets fat ● almost gives up in the labour room due to the unbearable pain of child birth ● even the kids she delivers bear your name Till the day she dies... everything she does... cooking, cleaning your house, taking care of your parents, bringing up your children, earning, advising you, ensuring you can be relaxed, maintaining all family relations, everything that benefit you..... sometimes at the cost of her own health, hobbies and beauty. So who is really doing whom a favour? Dear men, appreciate the women in your lives always, because it is not easy to be a woman. ​Being a woman is priceless​ Happy women's week! Share this with every woman in your contact to make her feel proud of herself. Rock the world ladies! A salute to ladies! WOMAN MEANS :- W ➖ WONDERFUL MOTHER O ➖ O

Husband sent a text to his wife at night. “Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.” But there is no reply…. He sent another text. “And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary. At the end of the month I’m getting you a new car" This time, She text back, “OMG really?” Husband replied, : “No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."

A Lady on telephone: 📞 Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you.. Man: do u know me.. 😔 Lady: Yes you are the father of one of my kids. 😊 Man stunned,😳 Oh my God!😱 Man: Are u Brenda???? 😨 Lady: No ☺ Man: Are U Chioma??? 😨 Lady: No ☺ Man: Are u Ekaette? 😨 Lady: No ☺ Man: Hadijat? 😨 Lady: No ☺ Man: Morenike? 😨 Lady: No Man: Salewa? 😨 Lady: No ☺ Man: Miriam?😳 Lady: No ☺ Man: Ona? 😨 Lady: No ☺ Man: Benita? 😀 Lady: No 😆 Man: Yeside?😨 Lady: No ☺ Lady in confusion...😳said "No sir i'm the Class Teacher of your son." Which kain man be this abeg?

1. How could someone say if Adam and Eve were Yorubas, the forbidden fruit would be pepper??? Ahhhh🙆🙆🙆 2. So because you came to my house and saw cobwebs all over, you now think am dirty? Do you if I am related to Spider-Man? 😒😒😒 3. This oshodi sha, they will steal your phone but your earpiece will still be playing till you get home 🙆🙆🙆 4. First it was Chickenpox, Then Birdflu Laser fever came, Ebola too Now it's Monkey Pox Please ooo What has Nigeria done to offend the animal kingdom? 😓😓😓 5. When your flatmate suddenly starts listening to loud music just minutes after her male visitor enters the room... #YouThinkYouAreDoingMe???🚶🚶🚶😣 6. How cultists collect your phone in school "Senior Bros when you snap that selfie finish, I wan snap too" #IssaUniversitySomething😂😂😂 7. HardGuy but you count 1-2-3 before pouring cold water on yourself Lemme comma be going before they beat me 🏄🏄🏄 8. Some girls will brag they can cook Until you tel

WIDOW: No sex for now pls, I'm mourning my HUSBAND. GUY: That why i wear black condom, pls open your legs and accept my CONDOLENCE. Ladies, when you are cooking for your in laws, especially for the first time, there is one voice that will be telling you to "add more salt", "add more pepper", " add more water", "add more Oil" "Increase the fire" "Add more maggi" No try am oh, Na those people again,your village people wey don swear say them go show you something, dey no rest oooo, Na your marriage den wan scatter so

Teacher: what's wrong? Musambati : our house is very small. Me, my mum,my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Musambati r u sleeping?' Then I say No & then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye" Teacher: Tonight when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet. don't answer. . The following morning Musambati comes back witha severe black eye again. . Teacher: My goodness why the black eye again? Musambati : Dad asked me again, Musambati are u sleeping? I shut up and kept dead still.Then my dad and my mom started moving, u know, at the same time Mum was breathing like Christmas chicken, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, R u coming? Mum said, Yes I'm coming, r u coming too? Dad answered:- Yes. But they don't usually go anywhere without me so...I said,wait for me . I'm also coming....

A blonde walks into a bank in Lagos and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were

JW: What bible character built the ark? Akpos: Noah! JW: Correct! According to the bible how many humans survived the great flood? Akpos: 9 people JW: U did well! But look attentively at the image below the paragraph. How many humans are there? Akpos: 8 people JW: Correct! So how many people survived the flood then? Akpos: 9 people JW: OK! let's recount please! Noah and his wife, his three sons and their wives. In total that makes how many people? Akpos: 8 people JW: So that gives us how many people that survived the flood? Akpos: 9 people JW: please why do you keep saying 9 people when on the image it's clear that they were 8 people? Akpos: Bros abeg no vex ooo...! The photographer wey snap them photo na animal? just Comment Akpos True Or wrong?

I bought Gucci soap for ¢200 and Gucci sponge for ¢350 and since morning I've been looking for where to bath for people to see me 😂😂😂😂😂 "Most Girls Pray For # Hardworking men, Yet They Don't Respond To Greetings From # Bricklayers ."😂😜😆 Gentlemen; No girl is ugly...It's just that some of them look like their fathers* 😂🤣 😂😂😂😂* I don't know what's wrong with me If a girl call me SWEETHEART i feel like transferring money to her😂😂😂😂 Some Girls Want A Guy That Will Be Checking On Them Every 5minutes..... Abeg My Sister Are You Livescores??😂😂😂 I have a question for those who don't eat pork saying that the demons were cast into the pigs... Why do you still drink water since the pigs ran into the river 💦 ????😂😂😂 .... _wisdom will kill me 😂😂😂😂 ..... *This heat is too much, you might think the Government has chewed the money meant for the rains aba booshit su ne 😂😂😂😂😂 Hotel Room 80k for 24hours. It's ok I w

A guy mistakenly transferred N200,000 (out of N210,000 balance in his account) to a wrong account number via mobile money transfer. After thinking of a way to stop the person from withdrawing the money, he came up with an idea of sending a text message to the person's phone number saying: "Hello dark and worthy initiate, I hope you're OK. I believe you have received the money I sent to you. It's for your initiation into the eternal mystical order of glorious satanism in the Ogboni fraternity scheduled to take place tomorrow at 12 midnight. That money is only for your transport. I'll send you more for shopping. There are riches awaiting you in this kingdom. Two weeks after the initiation, a family member very close to your heart will die, this will unlock your ticket to wealth and you will have the ability to fly at night to any part of the world. Thanks in advance. But in case you're not ready to join, please send back the money i

*_PICK YOUR CALLS PLEASE_* ```During the burial of a young man, another young man was crying out his heart. He wept uncontrollably that many people kept wondering what is wrong with him. The mc dropped the microphone and went and took this weeping young man to a corner, calmed him down and he started to explain. He was with the guy that died the day he met his death. He drove off first and on getting to a particular spot, he noticed that some armed robbers were getting ready to block the road and resume operation. He managed to escape. He started calling his friend to tell him what he saw, that he should remain where he was. This friend would not pick his call. To him: “why is he calling? He should know that I am driving right behind him”. He refused to pick the call as this guy kept calling and calling. Finally, he drove into the now ready armed robbers and they pumped countless bullets on him. He died on the spot and armed robbers stole his car. This man was crying because he

Some girls when they see cute baby pics, they will be like...""Awwww, i want my own baby so bad"" But when period delays... they will be like; "Father lord, don't let me be a disgrace to my family please; i promise not to do it again....😂😂😂 Anytime you see a girl shaking her buttocks while walking, just Know she is going to her guys place. How did I know?? because it is written in syrup bottles "shake well before use"

What is Kiss? In maths : It is the shortest distance between two lips. . In Biology: kiss is just exchange of germs from one mouth to another. . In Chemistry: Kiss is a process of testing the pH of lips. . In Physics: It is a process of charging human body. . In Computer: It is a local area network in which two bodies are connected without data cable. . In Economics: It is a process in which demand is higher than supply....

1 if your girlfriend is always looking good but you know perfectly well that u haven't contributed anything towards That,Bro u are not different from a security man guarding a bank . 2 some guyz cannot study for a simple 2years and obtain masters degree but they can date a gal for 5years claiming that they are still studying her...Bro u must be awarded PHD for foolishness . 3 Some gals say they want a man who opens door for them,they want a man who point for them for were to sit...they want a man who handles lots of cash but mah sister why are u busy seriously ignoring conductor??? Or are u blind or something??? . 4 if a guy dumps or break your heart,take his phone and leave call his mom and tell her he is dead..u can't be crying alone gal,she must also feel the pain for not raising him well . 5 if u like a gal just go ahead and tell her.don't wait still she post her photos and then u go Wow,Wow,Wow,Wow my Bro are u a ambulance . 6 CNN j

A girl at a bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation went to him and said " you look cute.. I like you.".... The man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulder and said "My dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing. You are too young to be behaving like this. Pls go home and study hard so that you can have a successful life.".. He then placed a piece of paper on her hand and said " I have written some words of wisdom and religious verses for you. Read them before you go to sleep." And then he walked away. The girl went back to her hostel in shame and guilt.. before she slept she opened up the paper and read thus: "Are you blind? My wife was standing behind me. Any way, this is my number. Call me anytime. ........... By the way, I like you too!" Men are always Men !!!!!!!!!!!!!

A teacher asked his students, 1+1=? A student stood up and said 4. A man passing by overheard the answer. He shook his head and said to himself "My God, Buhari will not kill us in this country. Every thing has increased, Transport fare, fuel price, nomination forms, WAEC, NECO, JAMB Form, Kero, Gas, Marriage, Beans, Tomatoes, Garri, Rice, Data, Even 1+1 that used to be 2 has now gone up to be 4!!! #Chai!!!!!!_observation_will_not_kill_me_funniest_ansestor

An accident occurred today. 11 persons were injured and 12 died. So the Minister of Health promised to offer N5,000 to the injured and N6million to the dead for their funeral. All of the sudden, one of the injured got up and moved towards where the dead people were. Immediately, one of the dead people whispered to him: “Bros, go back to your place; do not bring confusion here, they have counted us already!”

1. The day u comment on a Nigerian girl's dp on Facebook that is d day she will start reading ur status. 2. 90% of Nigerian girls start their love for a guy with quarrel. They start forming quarrel out of every little thing. 3. For every "go away jor" a Nigerian girl tells u' she actually meant "stay" 4. Any time a Nigerian girl calls u "olodo" & "Big head" she actually meant u are "intelligent" & "handsome" 4. "U are so annoying" is d best way most Nigerian girls express how much they like a guy's company. 5. Whenever u hear a Nigerian girl say "So ur girl friends will come & break my head. abi" is to tell how much she hate d presence of other girls around u. 6. When a Nigerian girl say "So u can not even call somebody. sef? She is missing u. 7. When she say "I hate u". My guy. she loves u percent. 8. When a Nigerian girl keep saying "All ur girls"

A very brilliant beautiful girl finished her Secondary school at the age of sixteen. She wrote Waec once and she passed all her papers. She then wrote JAMB the first time and she failed. people said it was Jamb that intentionaly failed her. she wrote it the second time and didn't pass. she wrote it the third time but she failed again. she then wrote again the fourth time and she passed. . When she got to the University, She was already 21 yrs. She meet with her classmates then in secondary school who were battling with WAEC are already in 300lv now. . That was when her mother remembered what she had said it the past, that all her children must reach the age of 21 before they get into University. . As you read this story,,, I pray that any evil decree that has said by your parents long time ago for you not to move foreword on time, I decree and dealear them to be destroyed In Jesus name...Amen Type **Amen** to claim this prayer.

On Friday at UBA bank, in Anambra state, a Fulani man goes to the ATM and withdraws all his money. Then goes inside the same bank and deposit the same money he withdrew, telling the bank officer that, my money is not safe outside, in the ATM...people are just withdrawing anyhow and they may end up withdrawing my money. Keep my money inside the bank.

A white man asked an Africa man a question,why is it that Africa people used to answer question with questions,the man reapplied him who told u . hahaha 😂😂😎case closed

My uncle always pick a quarrel with me, he doesn't know how clever i can be. I changed my name on my Instagram to "Your village people" then I followed him. His notification now reads. "Your village people is now following you on instagram". Since morning, he has been drinking anointing oil..

British English: *Knickers*. American English: *Shorts*. Nigerian English: *Short Knicker*. Can you now see why we have problems in nigeria? We are copying everybody at the same time. Even this post sef i also copied it... 😂

In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asks the Doctor: How do you determine whether to admit a mental patient or not to? Dr: "Well, we fill a bathtub with water and then give the patient; (a). a  teaspoon, (b). a glass, (c). a bucket,  and ask them to empty the bathtub." Journalist: "Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger." Dr: "No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed No.39. We will start further investigations on you!" ........................................ 😀😀 You also thought of the bucket, didn't you? Please go to bed No. 40 ! 😝 Forward quickly... There are still some beds

Today I said hi tu my Ex, she quickly update her status..doing fine with out...nonsense i was only telling her i saw her Dad wearing the cap she took from me 😅 Teacher: Why is your cat in class today? Student: because I hard my day tell my mom, I am going to eat that pussy wants our son gets to school today. Lol GIRLS WITH BIG EYES👀 DON'T CRY AFTER BREAK UP BECAUSE THEY SAW IT COMING 🚶 🚶

A  White man asked a Nigerian what do you mean by your village people are doing you?the man said,you see that man ?He has exam by 8:00am he woke up by 7:50am and start cooking beans.:-D:-D:-D:-D

Dear guys, If you're sitting next to a beautiful lady in a taxi and she starts smiling at you, my brother.. don't smile back. I repeat, don't smile back until she pays her taxi fare... And Ladies If a guy invites you to his house and his friends start leaving one by one🚶🚶my sister...if you know what is good for you, just follow the last person out🚶 You will thank me later😂😂😂😂😂

Someone was sleeping in the church last Sunday and the usher woke him up... Immediately he woke him up from his sleep the next thing he heard was the pastor saying... "Please stand up" He stood up without knowing the reason and the people were clapping for me..!! Surprisingly for him, he look around he was the only one standing up ...then the next thing he heard. ... *PASTOR*:- "Thank you Jesus!!! Any other person who will give us another one million naira for our church project ?" *He Fainted*...hahaha... Abeg don't laugh all alone ok ....forward as received.

Since I removed that fat girl from my friend list, my phone stopped hanging.. Wow😀

One man told his wife that he was going for two weeks seminar abroad. The wife later discovered that her husband was with another woman in the next street. The woman went there and found her husband with the woman. She left and came back home without saying anything. Two days after, the husband came back home and went straight to the bedroom. Five minutes later when the wife did not see him in the living room she went in only to see him packing his clothes. Wife: Honey what are you doing. Husband: I am packing out of this house. Wife: But why? Husband: If you were the one caught with another man,  I would have sent you packing. But now that you have caught me, I deserve the same punishment.  So I want to punish myself by packing out. Wife: (she quickly knelt down) Honey, no need to punish yourself. I have forgiven you already. Husband: Really, you should let me serve my punishment. Wife: (she unpacked the load) There is no need. The Bible tells us to forgive one another.

No drug is as effective as a Bank Credit Alert, it can wake up your dead cells in a matter of minutes, return your lost apatite and even make you smile in a funeral service. May credit alert be a regular part of your life, Amen.

I love this piece. The writer is a good Bible student Written by Adakole Emmanuel J. ROCHAS chapter 6 vs 1-21 AN ACCOUNT OF THE KING'S GRAVEN IMAGE 1. And it came to pass that a certain Governor from the East by the name Rochas the son of Okorocha who ruleth over the province of Imo, sent a messenger to the kingdom of the Southern country of Africa. 2. And he said to the messenger, in this manner shall ye speak to the king, "long live the king! thou art highly favoured in the the eyes of my Governor, even among the people of the province of Imo, therefore come this day to meat in my kingdom that though mayest be honoured" 3. And the messenger did according to the words of the Governor. 4. And it came to pass that the king of the Southern country of Africa by the name, Jacob the son of Zuma, entered into the province of Imo, even into the city of Oweri, the dwelling place of the Governor. 5. And Rochas the son of Okorocha made a great feast and prepared a banquet

I kill 2 igbo mosquitoes yesterday Do you know why i call them igbo mosquitoes because they were flying near my wallet 😂 😂 Men nd jealous, we re inside a public bus today wen a man picked a call nd jokenly lowered his voice nd said, please I can't come to ur house today, I'm inside the same bus with ur husband, see u tomorrow! As we speak now de driver has packed well, nd every man in the bus wants to see the number in his fone, including the driver nd myself....

1. Crase no hard to form, na the trekking be wahala. English translation: "Easier said than done. 2. No matter how hot your temper be, e no fit boil beans. English Translation: Calm down, your temper won't solve the problem. 3. Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup. English Translation: You can't run away from your destiny. 4. Today's Newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap. English translation: Keep calm! Nothing lasts forever. 5. Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef. English Translation: Just be patient. Let the game come to you. Don't rush! 6. Akara and moin moin get the same parent, na wetin dem pass through make dem different. English Translation: How you start doesn't matter, what matters is how you finish. 7. Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus. English Translation: Give unto Caesaer what's Caesar's. 8. The difference between puff-puff and doughnut na packa

A lady went to a salon to dress her hair. While dressing her hair, she noticed a handsome man sitting quietly in the shop. Suddenly the lady turned to the man and said Mr., you are so handsome can we meet later today? Man replied 'I'm married'. The woman continued; "and so? You can just tell your wife you're going to visit a friend in the hospital and from there"......... and the man replied; *"Tell her yourself, she's the one doing your hair".* I can't stop Laughing

Some people wil come to the ATM,see others on queue and will still be asking is it paying?No! We Came to perform money rituals..😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

That moment when your battery is at 3% and you see your Boss upload pictures of himself and his family. And wanting to impress him, you quickly comment "cool pics" but auto correct changes it to "cool pigs" and your battery runs out!Don't even bother explaining, pal, just find another job😂

I went to road work this morning, as am about to start juggling i remembered... isaiah 23:12, "the wicked shall run when no man is chasing them" brethren, I just enter keke n go back home.

                   Someone may help to introduce u, but nobody will speak for u.             Someone may help to start u off but no man can keep u on.             Someone may help to lift u but no man can sustain u.             Someone can invest in ur life, yet no one can produce result from it but u            Get committed and see what God will do in ur life.            As far as I am concerned, people who complain of not having any one to help them simply lack commitment.           A man who is committed says to himself, "no matter who leaves or stays with me, as long as God is wit me, I am going to succeed. I am going to make it, I am going to make a headway". And such people always make it out of life.  Opportunity is every where. Open your mind and heart. Get in touch.

She pushed her pant one side and quickly removed my boxer "She hates sharing same dry line with male tenants. Brethren what were you thinking before. 😂😂

A woman happened to be sun-bathing on a river bunk with fishing equipment next to her. Suddenly, a patrol officer comfronted her because fishing was strictly prohibited. Officer: Excuse me maam, you need to leave or else i report you for illigal fishing.! Woman: Officer as you can see am here to enjoy the beautiful sun and not fishing. Officer: But you have the equipment. Woman: Leave me alone or else I will report you for sexual arassment.! Officer: Are you mad? I have not even touched you..! Woman: But you have the equipment.

To the Ladies, when you notice a guy want to rape you, don't worry, just play along, pretend you're in, allow him touch wherever he want to touch and you also touch all those areas a guy would like to be touched. I'm sure by now his cucumber should have waken up, offer him a blow job, once the silly dick is in your mouth....... The rest is history! I don't know wat is wrong with me😏😏🙅 Anytym a girl calls me sweetheart, I feel like transferring money to her just to buy her iPhone 8 🙅😏🙅

I just watched a Nollywood movie where some villagers gathered to use a virgin for sacrifice, My problem is not the sacrifice o What is paining Me is that the virgin is "Tonto dike" Tufiakwa.  😂😂😂😂🚶🚶🚶🚶 Nigerians are too religious! I asked a lady in elevator "Are u going down? She said "God forbid! I'm going up in Jesus name.

My boyfriend broke up with me. He thinks that I am childish. So I calmed down, took a deep breath, went to his house, rang the doorbell and ran away...😂😂😂😂😂 if a girl dumps you because you don't have money and after you made money she comes back begging... my brother forgive her...promise her marriage...tell her family that you want to renovate their house...remove their roof and DISAPPEAR.

Doctor my husband want s*x all the time what do I do? Doctor: give him my number. I don't know whether it is my village people, but Something is telling me to Stand in front of a soldier & call him a Soldier Ant.

A man and his wife went to see a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Never you trust a guy who doesn't use his real name on Facebook👇 If he can deny his father👇 My sister who are you?😊😊

Breakup can really damage your health,I remember one time my boyfriend broke up with me via whatsapp while I was on my way to pick my cousin in school, I came home with the wrong kid. Pls if your bf broke up with you don't curse him,he might be my future husband pity me and my unborn children

Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass? Student: I didn't even know they were Catholics😜😀 Somebody cannot even dial wrong number in Nigeria and a Celebrity or Politician will pick it Must it be an Aboki?...😎

There are things we must carry and handle with extra- carefulness because these things are fragile and once broken, it is not easy to put back together and once some of these things get broken, they can lead to huge damage and destiny wastage. 1. *Your Name*: Your name is very important and fragile. There are names that stinks in the ears of people simply because, those who bear those names spoilt the name. The way to handle your name with care is to be careful of your doings. Your actions can rubbish your name. A good name can open doors for you & for your children and generations after you. Carry your name with carefulness. It is a huge asset. Here is one of the quotes written by Shakespeare: 'Whoever steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; 'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands; But he that filches from me my good name, my enviable reputation Robs me of that which does not enrich him, But makes me poor indeed'. 2: *Yo

There is a legend about a wise man who was sitting outside his village. A traveler came up and asked him, "What kind of people live in this village, because I am looking to move from my present one?" The wise man asked, "What kind of people live where you want to move from?" The man said, "They are mean, cruel, rude." The wise man replied, "The same kind of people live in this village too." After some time another traveler came by and asked the same question and the wise man asked him, "What kind of people live where you want to move from?" And the traveler replied, "The people are very kind, courteous, polite and good." The wise man said, "You will find the same kind of people here too." What is the moral of the story? Generally we see the world not the way it is but the way we are. Most of the time, other people's behavior is a reaction to our own.

My boyfriend stopped smoking weed the day he spent 30 minutes looking for his phone under the bed.. While using his phone flashlight When two girls are fighting over you, my brother i advice you to watch the fight to the end.  Then marry the loser because *you can't afford to have Mike Tyson as a wife.😂🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾 please if you lost your N10,000 naira tied with two rubber bands around shoprite area, Ibadan close to car park inbox me now....let me direct you to where you will get your two rubber bands back...

A 70yr old man was making love to a 27yr old lady when he started SHAKING badly and the lady asked him,"What's wrong darling, are you comimg". The old man replied," I don't know if am COMING or GOING...."😂😂😂😂

I began to fear Alcohol since the day I saw my neighbor spent the whole night dancing to the sound of my Generator, thinking he's in the Club saying this DJ go kill person ooooo. When I turn the Generator off, he asked me who sing this track. I said na Yamaha featuring Petrol.

If your name is Joy and a man tells you to visit him in the night,tell him that your Bible made it clear that Joy cometh in the morning... 😏

I learnt that from playing WHOT.. Once you just say "Last Card", you will see your enemies coming out of the woods... You'll just be hearing Pick 2, General Market, Hold On, etc.." As if they never had such weapons before. Be wise!

My mother-in-law visited me and my wife but coincidentally, that day my wife was feeling horny and she did not want to whisper to me since i was busy sharing stories with her mother. My wife tricked me by pretending she has headache and went straight to the bedroom. After some minutes, I followed her leaving her mother in the sitting room. I took some time there, but when I came back I had forgotten to close my zip. *Mother-in-law*: How is she feeling now? *Me*: She is now feeling better, I have given her paracetamol. *Mother-in-law*: OK, close the pharmacy......

I was standing outside my house waiting for any available Taxi ....then two kids ran to me, a boy and a girl, the girl asked  "Brother can a 9 year old girl get pregnant ? "  I replied "No"  the boy said, "didn't I tell  you oya  lets go and continue... " I shouted Wait!!!.... continue what? ..!!!  Chisos!

The real meaning of "I am finished" is when you close the door to kill a snake and NEPA takes the light ,..

I went to NEPA office to make a complain for the crazy bill they brought... While on queue waiting for my turn ... The light went off ... The customer care lady attending to us immediately shouted .... Ooohh God !!! This useless NEPA people again ... I instantly got confused ... Wondering if I am at the right place ..

A Igbo girl married a Yoruba man & went to south west(Yorubas land).. She can't speak Yoruba.. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt and show her thighs to enable the seller understand her... This went on for sometime.. One day she wanted to buy banana.. So She took her husband to the shop.. (dont laugh listen Dirty minds) Because her husband speaks Yoruba very well. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 :)

Some parents and their daughters!!! Age 13:... Avoid boys, they are evil Age 18:... I don't want to ever see you with that boy Age 23:... We've not met your boyfriend Age 26:... Where is your husband? Ur mates are getting married Age 30:... We have told you to stop selecting men Age 33:... There is this powerful man of God in Lagos Age 39:... Manage him. We'll take care of the wedding......🙄🙄😂😂😂

I was invited to a wedding. When i reached the hotel, i found two doors 1.Bride relatives 2.groom relatives I entered the groom door and found two doors again. 1. Ladies 2. Men I entered men door n found two doors again. 1.People with gifts 2.People without gifts I entered the second door ( people without gifts ) i found myself outside the hotel..😂HAHAHAHAHAH

How do u mean??.. U mean my waec result??.. Bro ... I will sell starting from my birth certificate,my primary termly result from nursery 1 to primary 6.. I wl gv u the receipts of all my school fees... I wl gv u  all the documents with I had in my secondary school.... My jamb result... My photocopy of the results... My matric number.... In fact ehh... Just gv me the money I wl leave my room for you... Cos that's where they all are✌✌ I will not only sell my waec, I will sell my bsc, Nysc certificate and ask the buyer to wait so I can finish my phd and sell it too as jara... Then I will use the money to buy the school I wrote my waec and sell it too.... who waec help 😳

I'm tired of these Dettol adverts, children nowadays believe there are germs everywhere. My 5 yr old Nephew goes around with a bottle of Dettol in his pocket. He sprinkles his friends before he plays with them... Sprinkles his books before reading...everything must be germ free to him! This morning, my tea and bread tasted funny...I took a few sips and bites before I realized my Nephew had poured Dettol in my breakfast to kill germs and take care of me. *Please people tell me, if my nephew doesn't kill me ,who will😘😘😘😘😘😘

A professor was travelling by boat on a high sea. On their way, he asked the sailor: ‘Hey! do u know Oceanology? Biology? Ecology? Zoology? Physiology?' Epidemology? ‘NO’ said the sailor. The Prof got angry and said: 'then what do u know? You will die of illetracy'!. 30 minutes later, the boat started sinking. The sailor looked at Prof and asked: 'Prof, do u know Swiminology and Escapeology from Sharkology? ‘NO’ said the Prof. Sailor: Well that means Crocodileology will eat your Headology and u will Dielogy with your Knowledgeology because of your Badmouthology and grammartology. 😆😀😅😂 Morals *Don't be proud!* You are not an island of knowledge, don't look down on anyone, we all have different  grace and ability. 

Me:*"i̲ n̲i̲d̲ y̲o̲ur d̲i̲c̲ 4 m̲y̲ a̲s̲s̲"* My neighbor : he quickly replied *"̲b̲t̲ i̲ d̲n̲t̲ v̲e̲ c̲o̲n̲d̲o̲m̲s̲"* Me : *"w̲a̲t̲ c̲o̲n̲d̲o̲m̲s̲"! i̲ s̲a̲i̲d̲ i̲ n̲ęèd your d̲i̲c̲t̲i̲o̲n̲a̲r̲y̲ f̲o̲r̲ m̲y̲ a̲s̲s̲i̲g̲n̲m̲e̲n̲t̲s̲*

Yahoo is the key Yahoo is the key Yahoo is the master key Niggas started with laptop And ended with dollars Yahoo is the master key! I was just singing aloud

Three University guys dodged exam because they did not study. They came up with a plan, got themselves dirty using grease, then went to see the Lecturer. ”Sir we are sorry we couldn't make it to the exam. We attended a wedding and on our way back the car broke down thus we became so dirty as you can see". The Lecturer understood and gave them three days to prepare. After three days, they went to the Lecturer very ready for the exam because they had studied. The Lecturer put them in three separate classes with only four questions in the exam paper; 1. Who got married? (25 marks) 2. Where was the reception held? (25mks) 3. Where exactly did the car break down? (25mks) 4.What type of car broke down? (25mks) Marking scheme: your answers must be the same.!!! They are still in the exam hall as we speak! 😂 Lesson : The truth shall set you free.😜😜😜🤣 Happy Weekend all!

I use to tell people,  the best way to loose weight,  to get instant 6packs,  is to use ur school fees  or your wedding money to play bet9ja..  Try it and you will thank me later.. Sense will not kill me one day.. please if you lost your N10,000 naira tied with two rubber bands around shoprite area, Ibadan close to car park inbox me now....let me direct you to where you will get your two rubber bands back....

Yesterday,a girl went to consult a Prophet who told her to take good care of her boyfriend because he will soon become a billionaire. The GIRL has been crying since yesterday because she can't tell which Of Her BOYFRIENDS will become the billionaire 🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂

 #1.The water will wash away her makeup and reveals her natural face...  #2.You can ascertain her true assets, no push-up bras or ass pads... And the most  importantly  #3.From the way she reacts to the water, you can tell if she has a marine spirit. Reasons to take a girl for swimming on first date...  #1.The water will wash away her makeup and reveals her natural face...  #2.You can ascertain her true assets, no push-up bras or ass pads... And the most  importantly  #3.From the way she reacts to the water, you can tell if she has a marine spirit.

I am thinking of creating a social network, i'll name it ''FINGER'' ..  So people will be like.  l''ll FINGER you when i get home.  ''Ladies will be like, hey Emeka why didn't you finger me last night.  I was fingering you but you did not respond''😀😀😀  Guys will be like, let me know once you are free, so i can finger you. 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀  Jx stop thinking bad... It's Jx an idea... Wat do u think?

I am thinking of creating a social network, i'll name it ''FINGER'' ..  So people will be like.  l''ll FINGER you when i get home.  ''Ladies will be like, hey Emeka why didn't you finger me last night.  I was fingering you but you did not respond''😀😀😀  Guys will be like, let me know once you are free, so i can finger you. 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀  Jx stop thinking bad... It's Jx an idea... Wat do u think?😹😹😹🏃🏃🏃

When I Think Of Quitting Alcohol I remember the wheat farmers and their employees , I think of the brewery employees and their families . The beer truck driver who pays rent and school fees, the bartenders , the bar owner who probably put their investments into the business and All these things touch me. I realise that me not buying a beer makes other people STARVE or not to realise their dreams. So I know ma efforts are not in vain You too can make a difference in other people's lives by buying a couple of beers LET US NOT BE SELFISH and give back to society!!👊🍻 But pls,drink responsively. Chia, knowledge will not kill me o.

One Hausa man just called me📞I told him that it's wrong number The man called me back to ask me if I know the correct number😅😅

*1st Dorta: Dad Im lesbian🙄 *2nd Dorta: dad Im lesbian too😒 *Dad: OMG! is there any1 in this family who loves men?😡 *Son: I do. 😂

I attended a crusade and someone touched my shoulder and said "YOU WILL WALK".  I didn't bother because I knew I was not lame. After the crusade, I touched my pocket and I couldn't find my wallet which contained my transport fare```😆😆!!!... Behold, I WALKED!!..

Those who comment on your posts only when they have a contrary opinion or view are not your friends but your JUDGE.

A pilot was told to transfer mad people from Nigeria to U.S.A. He agreed and carried dem in his plane. Every place was so noisy. Later one of the mad men approached the pilot and said to him "pls can you teach me how to fly the aeroplane? The pilot replied, I will teach you how to fly if you will tell your friends to stop making noise. The mad man went in, after some minutes, every where was silent as if an angel entered the plane. After some minutes the mad man came back and told him that everywhere was cool now. The pilot became happy and asked WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM THAT MADE THEM TO KEEP CALM.  The mad man replied, I opened the door for them to go and play outside. The pilot fainted.

People tend to pretend mostly when they are on pressure...... Nengi Tariah Walk away from any negative influence before it's envelopes you....Nengi Tariah All you need is more time and the truth would unfold it self.......Nengi Tariah The only barrier between you and success is your thought..... Nengi Tariah The money that u need to change your life is neither here nor there,  but it is in you. You ve the power to create wealth. The power to change situations around. the power to live a successful life.  Money is just a reward for ideas. so invest in ur self. create ideas and art on it positively....Nengi Tariah

when you see a poor man eating chicken there are two things involved. It is either he is sick or the chicken was sick.

1. Take risks in your life. If you win, you can lead; if you lose, you can guide. 2. People are not what they say but what they do; so judge them not from their words but from their actions. 3. When someone hurts you, don't feel bad because it's a law of nature that the tree that bears the sweetest fruits gets maximum number of stones. 4. Take whatever you can from your life because when life starts taking from you, it takes even your last breath. 5. In this world, people will always throw stones on the path of your success. It depends on what you make from them - a wall or a bridge. 6. Challenges make life interesting; overcoming them make life meaningful. 7. There is no joy in victory without running the risk of defeat. 8. A path without obstacles leads nowhere. 9. Past is a nice place to visit but certainly not a good place to stay. 10. You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time. 11. If what you did yesterday s

Okorocha the governor of IMO state says he wants to erect my statue at Orlu roundabout, I told him to give me the 500m, I will go and stand there myself...

*I no fit laff alone , u sef take am!!!* 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Curfew was declared while some guys went to watch match and met soldiers on their way back. The soldiers decided to flog them according to the numbers on their clothes/jerseys. The first guy was wearing chelsea jersey 12 Mikel Obi, He was flogged 12 strokes. The second person was wearing 50cent, He was flogged 50 strokes. In the process, the third man started crying from afar... Guess what? He is an Ekiti man, he is wearing vote Fayose for president 2019..... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

* Engineers Can Prove Anything For 10 Marks Question : Prove : PAPA = MAMA Medical Doctor's answer :” Out Of Course” Accountant's answer: ”No Way” Barrister's answer: ”Cannot Be Proved” Social sciences's answer: Not in this world, but….. Engineer's answer: Its Simple Solution As we know, Pressure(P)= Force/Area i.e P = F/A ∴F = PA ⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅ eqn (i) Now ,aacording to Newtons 2nd law of Motion, Force(F) = Mass(M) × Acceleration(A) i.e F =MA ⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅⋅eqn (ii) From eqn (i) and eqn (ii) PA = MA Squaring both sides (PA)² = (MA)² ∴ PAPA = MAMA Proud to be an ENGINEER 😁😆😋

Guys cannot ask girls "have u eaten?" in Nigeria again .......😎😎 Cos when u do.. What u will hear is.. Nope... I am broke.. Don't even have food stuffs. Right now.. I borrowed my friends phone 📱 to chat with u. No money💰 to fix my phone 🙄🙄and my school fee sef...I used it to do a business😌😌and they cheated me😏😏.I don't know how to get the 💰 money back😂😂. All my friends that I trust Disappointed me.. and my body is doing me somehow 😎😎😎. I hate sickness.. especially when I am broke and my landlord is on my neck. But I have raised half of my rent😃😃😃still looking for who will help me with half😇😇😇. I hate this life... N I don't want to disturb my parents 👫👫for money.. I know we are not too close😂😂😂😃😃😃😃😃😃🙄🙄and I don't want to look like I am a beggar but I really need help now....        Anything u can send... Will send my account number to you now... Or I can come for the weekend if u send transport fare😂😂😂😂😂😇😇😇😇😄😄😄

Plzzz pray for me. I'm going to hospital tomorrow.. I think I have a problem with my eyes. Every time when I look into my wallet,, I see nothing Plzzz pray

A fowl swallowed a diamond in a poultry and the owner of the diamond contracted a man to find the fowl and kill it. When the man arrived at the poultry, there were more than a thousand fowl in the poultry and only one was sitting by itself away from the others. He killed the one by itself and that was the exact one that had swallowed the diamond. The amazed owner of the diamond asked: "How did you know it was that fowl?" He responded: "Very easy! When idiots get rich they don't mix with others." MORAL When God answers your long awaited prayers, maintain your normal profile. Don't be ARROGANT!

During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you." # Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing # Concept” Changing the # conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the table # provocatively, the # robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!" This is called "Being # Professional ” Focus only on what you are trained to do! When the # bank robbers returned home, the younger robber ( #MBA -trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in # primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got." The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much # money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the # TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!" This is called " #Experience .

I paid a dear friend a visit. His wife served us supper with plenty meat, yet their kids had only sliced onions n tomatoes on their meals to eat. After the meal, I asked my friend why we had this plenty meat and his kids had none. He said "what should I do, when they say they won't eat rat? *I'm still vomiting*

Joke Of the Day A beer company was hiring a taster, someone to taste the beers before selling out. So they placed adverts and one afternoon, a dirty, rough looking man walked into the manager's office asking to be employed. The manager tried to figure out how he could drive this man away but couldn't come up with an idea, so he decided to give the man a trial. He ordered his secretary to give the man a glass of wine. He took a sip and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers." "That's correct!" The manager exclaimed, "Well give him another one let's see." So he was given. He took a sip again and said, "It's burukutu, a combination of herbs and apeteshi distilled at Akokoaso near New Abirem in Eastern Region of Ghana 3 years ago" "Incredible!" said the manager. Now the manager went closer to the secretary and whispered to her saying, "Go get

Can u imagine this? A pastor was praying for a demon-possessed man. He said, what do u want from this Man? Speak up before I cast you out this moment! The demon in the man said, I want him to win the American Lottery Draw worth $200billion tonight. The pastor lowered the microphone and whispered; get out of him and enter into me.

I no fit laff abeg. Na jokeoooooooo, Queen Elizabeth, Trump & Buhari went to Hell fire for a visit. Queen Elizabeth asked the devil 2 allow her make some calls 2 England 2 inquire about the Country's welfare, so she spent five minutes.Satan billed her 5million dollars. Trump also made a call to U.S.A and spent 8 minutes, the bill was 8million dollars. Then Buhari called Nigeria and spent 2 hours, how much is my bill? he asked Satan, "One dollar" Satan replied. Surprised!! Buhari said but I stayed longer than them all, Satan smiled and said "calling hell from hell is not expensive, it is a local call" 😃😃😃.

One day, Ben went to church to pray.God appeared and asked "Ben what do you wish for"? Ben replied "God, please I want to drive a big car with plenty of girls in it" God accepted his prayers. "Amen, may your wish be done"Currently,Ben is now a bus driver at Baptist Girls High School. 😁😀😀 Next time pray wit sense 😜😜😜

*I saw two Cockroach mating(sex).* *I wanted to spray Dem and I thought twice. Maybe he has been chasing her for years, and she has been eating all his money without allowing him to get down there, I'm a human I have a good heart, so I let him enjoy... But as I was leaving*, *I got a second thought.What if he was raping her ......am confused* What should I do?😂😂 _#wisdom is killing me_

Many Nigerians will go 2 Russia 🇷🇺 for the 2018 WorldCup, not to support Nigeria 🇳🇬 but 2 look for d founder of MMM 😂😂

*I thought I have seen everything in life until I saw a 16yrs old boy went to a bar and* *drank 4 bottles of Guinness.He got up to leave and the barman asked him to pay.* *He brought out his birth certificate and* *replied; Not for sale to persons below 18yrs*.

It's reported In a court in Ebonyi today of an accused who stood in the dock and addressed the magistrate: 'My lord, I am very sorry for not attending court sittings yesterday. I was tested positive for Monkey Pox. I was at the isolation center in the village receiving treatments. I have just been discharged. (He then started moving towards the magistrate to show his whole body to him). The magistrate shouted, "Hold it there. Your case is adjourned to next year. In fact, if you wish, don't ever come here again." When the magistrate looked down, the court was empty🏃🚴🏃🏃 Come and see speed 🏃🏃🏃🏃. Even the prosecutor couldn't afford to wait. Life is more precious than litigation 😂😂😂😂

English no go kill man😁😁😁 My friend was arrested in a political rally. Why? Because, he saw a journalist girl with a badge on her breast written PRESS then He pressed it. Omo come see beating🤣🤣🤣🤣

 *Dad:* Who do you like more, Mum or Dad? *Child:* Both *Dad:* Ok, if I go to UK and your Mum goes to America, where will you go? *Child:* America…  *Dad:* That shows you love your Mum more? *Child:* No, it shows I love America more than UK. * Dad:* Ok, if I go to America and your Mum goes to UK, where will you go? * Child:* UK  *Dad:* Replied angrily, why?  *Child:* Haha, why the anger? I choose UK because I have been to America before.  *Dad:* When did you go to America? *Child:* During the first question … 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Watching how 5 COCKS mounted on our HEN one after the other almost the same time,, she didn't even resist or shout RAPE,, and mum still killed it and prepared stew with it for dinner.. I'm not even eating that prostitute

She asked me: What do I do for a living? Then I replied: I analyze and invest in highly risky business opportunities that has the possibilities of high returns, I deal with international investment of over 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, analyzing and investing in business opportunities across England, Spain, Italy, Germany, France etc. She was so excited but she never knew I was talking about Bet9ja...